www.washingwellwenches.com - Which Wench Are You?

Were you an English dessert, would you be...

	A lemon tart.
	A cup of chocolate with raspberry syrup.
	A Squished Berry Cream Puff.
	A pineapple upside down cake
	A blueberry pie.
	A cone of cookies
	a tart with a nice pickle on top
	Anything fryable with powdered sugar
	chocolate... chocolate! chocolate! chocolate!
	crumb cake

What is your favorite mixed drink?

	Watered down whiskey sour
	Gin Gimlet.
	A bottle of anything with a glazed doughnut.
	Potato schnapps
	Martini leftovers.
	Guinness and beer cheese soup
	guinness and cider
	Nuts and Berries
	cosmopolitan out of a jelly jar
	guiness & man

What insect do you most identify yourself with?

	Gypsy moth in its larval state
	Rhinoceros Beetle.
	Roly Poly
	Praying mantis
	Stink bug.
	A fuzzy one
	a butterfly with an attitude
	Mud Dobber
	a cricket
	bar fly

Which creature of the animal kingdom best suits your disposition?

	Billy Goat
	Ostrich.
	A Gopher
	Chihuahua
	Baby donkey - not an ass - a donkey.
	A polar bear
	a bull
	A lovable monkey with a minor case of ADD.
	a bonobo
	hyenna

If 4 shiny gold coins were found at the bottom of the washing well, how would you spend them?

	On a one-way ticket to London and a bigger wash well.
	Open a school for contortionist orphan tripe buglers.
	On a pony.
	Settle down and perfect the art of raising shapely tubers
	On a small plot of land in Schropshire and 3 cows - to make ice cream.
	At the pub
	first, I would buy a guinness, then I would buy another guinness, and if I had a spare coin, I would buy my cousin a guinness.
	I would not spend them, but keep them close to my bosom where my cousin could never find them in hopes of FINALLY keeping a dowry from her sauce sucking fund.
	chocolate... chocolate! chocolate! chocolate!
	beer and tip the bar wench

The Duchess of Schropshire has a white gown with a red stain...how do you clean it?

	Snip out the stain and sew up the dress. When the dress doesn't fit, ask if she has recently gained weight.
	Dye the whole dress red, and brag to the Duchess about how hard you worked to remove the stubborn milk stain.
	Return the dress they way you received it, and sincerely tell the duchess that you love her so much you couldn't bear to change a thing
	When the Duchess returned for her gown she would find her wily wench wearing the gown and trying to pass off her own work clothes to the Duchess. The ole switcheroo....we all know royalty is less than clever, right?
	Suck it out. If it doesn't work, you at least got a break from the taste of your own thumb.
	Give her a drink and tell her it looks natural
	Chew on it for 3 days. If that doesn't remove the stain, sleep with it. The stain is bound to be scared out of it!
	I do not. I give it to my cousin who is older and therefore far more experienced than I. She is solely responsible. Should my cousin refuse...I cry until she feels bad and buys me ice cream with powdered sugar.
	preserve it under glass and remark how the stain uncannily resembles the ghost of her mother
	circular motions

The royal monarch is planning a visit to your insignificant hamlet. To prepare for this momentous occasion, you...

	Stay up all day and all night on the roof of the pub waiting for the first signs of the royal cavalcade.
	Make banners of welcome from the brothel's bed sheets.
	Become overly excited…fall down…hit your head…and remain blissfully unconscious until the royal progress has returned to London
	Get drunk
	Practice a variety of elegant and graceful bowing techniques…badly!
	Work out the Kegels
	Roll around in beer. I hear they like the smell.
	Pretend to be up all night cleaning but really sneak off to my secret starch stash to enhance my hairstyle, making me far more noticeable and likely to find a beau in the royal court where I could wash far superior britches than that of the shire.
	test all the preparations by sleeping in her bed (to see if it's comfy), eating the food set for her (it could be poisoned) and riding around in the carriage (just to make sure it's safe)
	mop the dirt

Were washing well wenches able to take vacations, your favorite dream vacation would be...

	London, where I've heard the britches are always falling down.
	On the road with the Schropshire Circus
	Bedlam Asylum…there's no place like home.
	The Irish Underground…if there isn’t one, I'll start one.
	The Tower of London, I bet there are a lot of nice people there.
	My favorite bench from the pub... In Hawaii
	I would love to spend a night or two in the mudpit. Learn what's its like on the "dark side".
	Picking flowers and skipping through the moores of Scotland while multiple pipers play wistfully.
	the Guiness factory
	York, not the Old - they have great pubs

When I think back on my career, it's this washing well event that changed the world for the better:

	Winning the 1412 commission to wash and starch all the cod pieces of her majesty's royal guard. They haven't smiled since.
	Bleaching the famous French troubadour ensemble "le mime." To this day they won't talk about it; and the mere mention of her name may evoke a tear.
	Washing the horses of the royal tilt, the evening before the joust, and shrinking the steeds, creating a new species of lovable equine...the pony.
	Botching the entire Scottish kilt order of 1430 causing each clan to have a slightly different color tartan.
	Defeating the laundry monster of Schopshire and so saving all of mankind from the threat of single socks.
	Spreading my scent
	Realizing that a diet rich in beans could really help in the process of agitating the water.
	Accidentally slipping off the washboard and falling into the pit one gloriously humid day, it was discovered that wash pits were useful for so much more than just laundry. Containing water within a confined space was found to be a refreshing and enjoyable means of relaxing, thus creating the first swimming "pool" and eventually leading to the construction of our modern-day waterparks.
	the discovery that washboard abs work even better than washboards!
	finding out a mans abdomin can be used for scrubbing

Whose great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, etc...grandmother are you?

	The lovechild of pips and the Tasmanian Devil.
	A teletubbie.
	A fraggle.
	Pippy longstockings, but just shut-up about it would you?
	Bubbles: the powerpuff girl.
	L. Ron Hubbard
	Jim Henson
	Anne Heche
	Snoopy
	Mae West

The sherrif has asked you to wash his boots. You :

	Ask for 3 times the price, and make my cousin do it.
	Begin a cottage industry of truffle farming in the boots and claim that my cousin lost them.
	Return them clean…with teeth marks
	Boil them clean and save the water to make a nice soup stock
	Tell the sheriff it will take a full week to get them clean so that you can sleep with them every night.
	Hyperventilate. Stop. Drool.
	Promptly fall to the ground and begin licking his boots. It will serve as a pre-wash. Bonus...men seem to like it.
	do it with gusto and remark on how lovely he would look in a kilt, offerring free boot-cleaning service should he decide to wear one.
	sanitize them by drinking from them all night
	use horse urine